Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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