Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
