its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
