it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
