have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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