pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
