With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
