So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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