also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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