I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
