I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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