Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
