Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
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The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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