Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
