So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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