She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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