I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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