why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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