I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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