I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
