Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
