if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
