At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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