I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
