At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
