In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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