You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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