So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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