DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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