I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Randomize
