I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
