thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it hurts more in the daytime
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
