Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
