It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
