so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
