i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
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MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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