The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
