Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
