bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
