I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
