I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
