this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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