It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
