I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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