I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
