I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
