What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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