he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
