oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
