I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
