Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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