then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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