I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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