I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
