nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
