Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
