all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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