I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
