You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
