I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
