My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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