Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
