I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
