Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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