You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
