I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
