Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
