You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
