I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
