I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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