I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
