Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
