Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
only you would photoshop your dick
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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