clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
