i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
