Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
