I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
