Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
