he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
