She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
