u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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