i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
