Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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