dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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